My inside team = WE

I thought long and hard about my Inside Team. Of course, I will need to do you the honor of introducing you to each teammate one by one, but I wanted to share the visual to inspire you to make your own representation of your team.

Goddess - swirling in mystery and natural organic goodness

Gabby - derived from Gabby Reece, doing pushups and cheerleading for myself

Core - this is the me that is stepping back and noticing all the other characters, kind of the creative director, if you will

The "Businessmen," Dean and Don - these are two "successful" businessmen; Dean is a casual CEO doing what he loves and Don is someone who wears suits and works hard to move ahead

Young Caitlin - when she's not a total FORCE! she is hiding in her room

Bear - slow and steady, gentle giant, very connected to nature and the natural way

Lurch - can engulf any teammate, rolls in like Karl the Fog and takes over, takes the life out of things

A morning of meandmeiswe

meandme had a nice lovely "we" morning together this past Saturday. We got up early, made a delicious and big breakfast, went out for a nice walk and then relaxed with tv and sketching.

I have noticed a trend. When meandme hang out, the "we" doesn't always make the best decisions, in service of the "we." So, maybe I need to invite another "me" to the table? And, maybe it's not just me (head) and me (body). Maybe there are lots of different "mes" in there. 

More for me to explore. And I'm reminded of a woman I heard speak named Cynthia Loy Darst, a Master Certified Coach, who talked about building up my "Inside Team." 

Here's more on that: Boom Boom Go Interviews Cynthia Loy Darst 

So, my next project here is to introduce all of you to my Inside Team! I've identified a few players, and I'm sure will discover more along this road.

WE inspiration from BJ Gallagher

A lovely BJ Gallagher poem that inspires creating WE:

One tree can start a forest, 
One bird can herald spring, 
One smile can begin a friendship, 
One hand can lift a soul, 
One star can guide a ship at sea, 
One word can frame the goal, 
One sunbeam can light a room, 
One candle can wipe out darkness, 
One laugh can conquer gloom, 
One hope can raise our spirits, 
One touch can show you care, 
One voice can wake up everybody, 
One life can make the difference. 
Be that one.

Spoiler alert: I have no idea what WE looks like

Just in case you think I have anything figured out - I don't. I don't know what WE looks like, or when I'll get there or if I'll even know I'm there when I'm there.

I think part of this journey is assuming that I'm in the WE and really the ROAD TO is about filling that WE with meaning and appreciation. It's like starting a new company called Flagor! No one knows what Flagor! is or what it means until you imbue it with meaning.

Imbue: inspire or permeate with a feeling or quality. This is a word I learned during a leadership course I took. I love how it gives a verb to filling something with emotion. I think about songs that I have imbued with meaning because of the people I've been with or things I've been doing while that song is on. 

So, I think this WE exists. It's not my job to create it. It's my job to imbue the WE with meaning, to me. Everyone has a WE in their life. You do too. And there are infinite WEs: Me + Me is a WE. Me + You is a WE. 

I do know there are some qualities of WE that I want to cultivate:

• UBUNTU: the idea that "I am because we are." I want each person to find personal purpose in the WE. I want it to feel personal and collective at the same time.

• Organic: I want it to feel real, not just in each persons mind, but in their bodies as well. I want to feel the WE in my bones, on a cellular level.

• Fluid: I know the WE will never have a thick line around it. WE is fluid. And WEs overlap. Me + Me = WE and Me + Josh = WE can both exist at the same time. So can Me + Me + Josh = WE. I don't want the definitions of the WE to throw up any barriers between WEs.

• Full Range: Healthy WEs will be able to hold a full range of emotions. Yes, some WEs will be more about fun and some WEs will be more about heavy topics, but I want each to be able to hold whatever emotions show up.

So, WE're on this road together. And if this road gets too rough, WE've always got Flagor! to fall back on.

First steps on the road

I spent 32 years as a single person. For about 19 of those years, I yearned to be with someone. To be in a couple. To know what it's like to crawl into bed with someone, put my head on their chest and reflect on the day. I wanted to feel love, of course, and lust, but more than anything I hungered for companionship. 

I remembered Mike and Carol Brady, each assuming their side in the Brady Master Bedroom. This is what I thought marriage was all about: the moment at the end of each day where you rest your bones next to this other person who knows you as well as, maybe even better than, yourself. 

I'll never forget a conversation I had right after I graduated from college and moved into my first apartment on my own. I was living in Burlington, VT, had worked my butt off to earn a great job and find a nice studio apartment. I was talking on the phone with someone who asked me: "now what?" to which I replied "I guess... find a husband?"

10 years later, I did.

And it's a little more complex than the "Mike and Carol" reality set up for me by hours upon hours of tuning into The Brady Bunch. I'm learning, as I go, that there is a ROAD TO WE. It's not just a stop on the way to life. It is life and it requires, and will continue to require, effort. And so does everything we love. 

Somewhere along the line I've realized that marriage is a living, breathing part of our lives. A husband is not something I find and then the box is checked. My husband, Josh, is his own person AND a huge part of who I am, but not all. 

This blog is my attempt to be in conversation with myself (and whoever else would like to play along) about this ROAD TO WE. It's a bit like a Travel Blog for Relationships: my relationship with myself, my relationship with my husband, my relationship with my stepson, my relationships with family and friends.

Please join me on my travels and I would encourage you to share yours as well!